I think I learned some things last week, and some of the issues in my mind I linked to other things I had been thinking on, but I need to write it out to be sure...

Went over to play T2 tennis with Lori, and first lesson of the evening was that, though the motions of tennis are sort of like riding a bike - your muscles don't really forget - the strategies behind doubles tennis either (a) i forgot or (b) i didn't know them to begin with. Though sometimes I felt like, oh yeah, I know I need to do this or be here instead of where I was, most of the time it was like... ah fuck, I'm def not in the right place or doing the right things and don't know how to fix it. I'll get better. We'll get better. Doubles tennis is not really about being athletic, which is annoying.

The second thing is more important and more connected to other thoughts I've been having.

But it's sort of a long story to recall in full detail. There was a disagreement betw Lori and her neighbors about the neighbors' dog who had just recently had puppies. Here are the facts as I see them. The dogs were not getting the care they needed - no one was taking them to the vet. It was clear that the mother needed veterinary care (inside parts hanging out), and the original litter of 10 was down to 2 puppies. Lori asked the owner if she could take them to get checked out. He agreed, and the vet handed Lori a 1500 bill (surgery for prolapsed vagina, tx for all kinds of worms, special care for the puppies who hadn't been eating), and a decision was made not to let the dogs go back to the owners, for their own safety. Upon returning w/o the dogs, Lori and the owner talked in depth. She told him where they were and asked whether he could take care of them, if not, if it would be ok for them to go to different homes. Owner, after deliberation, agreed that would prob be best. But a bit later, changed his mind and attitude. The family was out front of their house, talking, yelling, protesting in a way, saying stuff about getting their dog back and how Lori's actions were wrong, and being a bit verbally threatening. The police became involved, not of Lori's doing, b/c the owner's family felt like their property had been "stolen." There was a lot of discussion, mostly in a calm manner, but there were def emotions involved.

I interacted w/ one man (the owner's brother perhaps?), the owners mom, and the owner's sister a little... mostly the man. I sat down next to Eric as Lori, the owner's mom, and the officer spoke to one another about the situation. As I gathered from my conversation w/ the man, what he was upset about was that he and his daughter were supposed to get one of the puppies, and Lori gave them away w/o asking, and assumed they couldn't take care of their own animals. And it rapidly turned into a "white people assume black people can't afford things and can't take care of our own" conversation. And also, "Don't cross over to this side of the street and get into other people's business. We aren't in theirs so they should stay out of ours. We don't want their help."

It's tough to talk in these sorts of situations I think. I tried to reiterate to them that Lori's heart was in the right place, she was trying to help, and asked them if they could at least agree on that. They did, but they also wanted me to understand that they believed strongly that she did wrong by them. Seemed to be mostly stemming from a lot of hurt pride and ... anger ... that seemed bigger than the situation ...

I listened and heard their point of view. But at some point, I wanted to say, "You're arguing that you are able to take care of your pets, so why aren't you? why did you let their conditions get to the point of needing surgery, meds, etc requiring a $1500 vet bill?"

After awhile, as discussion seemed to not lead anywhere, Lori and Eric just agreed to get the dogs back and bring them to the family w/ instructions on how to take care of them. But things had already escalated to the point where there were some new, younger, more fired up guys there, talking to the officer about theft by conversion and calling Lori and Eric names, and being more verbally threatening. Such that Lori and Eric felt unsafe being at home. And it was clear that these attitudes weren't going away.

An update on this situation is that a few days after returning the dogs to the owners, animal control came and confiscated them, and told the owners that something needed to be done or people would be in danger of going to jail. also, another outcome is that since Lori and Eric feel extremely unsafe in their own home, they're planning to move away to a bigger and better home in Marietta.

Here's where we extrapolate (generalize?) to life away from this situation...

It's really hard to judge a situation based purely on the present w/o letting historical and personal elements factor in. There is still so much racial tension in the world. It's difficult to navigate, and important to be aware of. We formulate ideas about how people are based on who they have been, and it is hard for us to see people for who they are now. (this applies on an individual basis or on general culture/race/gender/sexuality bases). Could be that people assume you will be a challenging fris teammate b/c you have been in the past, regardless of your current outlook on team dynamics or current attitudes about how to be a good teammate. Could be that we get hurt by someone, and we don't know how to see them for the person they are now and the person they are becoming. Could be that we see our own selves in old ways, and we have difficulty realizing that we can be different. Could be that we have racial, cultural, gender, etc stereotypes, and it's hard to look beyond them b/c they are ingrained in the ways we were raised. It's a challenge to really try and know and understand someone for who s/he really is. In the present. Regardless of color, history, cultural background, upbringing, socio-economics, etc. Is it always wrong to disregard these factors? No, I don't think so... but good to question why it is challenging to look at someone based only on now and not on the past.