i can't believe i haven't written since my trip. so much has happened. i am currently feeling ... fat. and we're only 2 weeks out. i have done essentially nothing since nationals. muscles and joints feel achy from inactivity. struggling b/c they kinda wanna do something but also love resting. Food has been a big priority. it always is, but the last week and a half have been different. i may need to work out this wkend. holy catfish.

i've been holding on to a lot of disappointment from nationals. It comes and goes I suppose. Personally... I feel like I made a lot of mistakes and at times when I needed to make an impact, didn't. I threw 2 callahans in the tournament. one at a pretty important point against riot. one for the capitals' winning score in the quarters. Though of course there are many things we could've been doing better throughout, it's still devastating. That shouldn't happen. it's stupid. I did also get 2 blocks on the mark in the quarters. One was a solid hand block on an IO... but not sure that we scored it. And the other was a foot block on the goal line that the capitals reset girl happened to be in the right spot to catch a couple inches off the ground. never gotten a foot block in an important game before. beyond some of the mistakes, there's just the feeling of not having said the right things at the right times, or not inspiring the team to do awesome stuff, and the disappointment of knowing we're a better team than we showed. I really hate losing that way. I am proud of some of our moments as a team. like... we had a good Friday. we made food together and hung out and had a great team meeting friday night. And, I'm proud of chain, for sure. amazing season. great guys. it was fun celebrating w/ them. watching them drink a ton of bevs out of the cup.

and other than fris... a lot of things have been steering my thoughts towards what I want my life to be like. what i picture for my future. and that life is short so I should be getting on it - doing the things I want, making the future happen now. so... hmm.... yeah. but i also just want to enjoy oysters uni ikura, flip burgers, and beer w/ my friends. which is where i am heading now.